SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My dad was a serial cheater I grow up in a household where I wished my mom would of left my dad. She didn’t until I was mid twenties.

This says volumes.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 3:49 PM, Wednesday, March 11th]

I just feel so stuck, I have glimpses of happiness and think okay we could try to make this work and last year I would of put my all in to it.

Missmee, I know this is hard but you need to realise this is no longer just about his infidelity. He is an abusive man and you are in an abusive relationship. You should never try to reconcile with someone who abuses you.

[This message edited by Jambomo at 7:26 PM, Saturday, March 21st]

My thinking is more clearer. I can’t believe what he did I can’t believe what he put me through and I can’t believe I allowed it. He has agreed to move out he’s going to stay with family.

Edited - He seems to think I’m going to forgive him and get over this. But I know I won’t

[This message edited by Missmee at 1:38 AM, Tuesday, March 24th]

HI MISSME.

Sorry to hear things are at this stage, but you may find clarity with him out of the house. Hang in there.

I’m plodding on, it’s coming up to a year where I didn’t yet know what was happening just that the relationship was falling apart but couldn’t figure out why. I thought he was struggling with his mental health as he was going through bereavement.

So a year ago this weekend one of the nights we had an argument I asked him to leave I thought he had stayed at his nephews but he went to stay with her, for the first time. I’ve recently found this out. But makes sense now why last Mother’s Day he went over the top with a gift! I think this year is going to be hard with all the dates. I’m trying not to look back and think omg he was doing this on this date etc…

Didn’t realise the extent and destruction betrayal causes from mentally to physically it’s horrendous.

Posting his logic here,

He was very unhappy with our relationship for years. Because I’m controlling, I nag, the house is untidy, I don’t appreciate him, my mood and other reasons. And he never addressed it with me because I would have told him to f*** off. So instead he decided he was going to start living. So after an argument at Christmas he started sleeping with a girl out the office 2 weeks later. That progressed into wanting to be in a relationship with her and left 9 months later. Only to come back home because I wanted him to come back. And he’s now happy to stay with me if I don’t bring up the affair.

Please someone tell me if I’m wrong. He’s trying to justify his affair, rug sweep and blame shift for his actions isn’t he?

Missmee, I'm going thought the same thing you are with the time of the year. It was this week last year that my wife got a hotel room with her AP for the first time. It lasted for 2 weeks and there were 2 more trysts. It depends on whether I count the date or the day. It was a Wednesday, but it was April 2nd on the calendar. In either case it's the next day or 2 and it's hitting me kind of hard.

Infidelity sucks.

Yes, he's doing all 3 of those things. Don't buy it, don't fall for it. You didn't do anything or not do anything that forced him into someone else's bed. If he won't own that then you have nothing to work with.

He’s trying to justify his affair, rug sweep and blame shift for his actions isn’t he?

Yup.

Trust me he may have been bothered by a few things (house, Kids, etc) but I guarantee you they were insignificant UNTIL he met the OW and decided to cheat. Then all of it became the excuse to cheat.

Typical cheater mindset.

I heard the same crap. I was "controlling" b/c I want to know even you are coming home and I’m a "nag" if I hold you accountable to something you agreed to.

Funny how when they are begging to R they have a different story.

Looks like this may be the end/start

Arguing has continued. He asked me why I keep asking him to leave and I’ve told him because you haven’t shown me you want me. He was going around in circles and said why don’t you tell me you want me to stay and you love me.

I’ve been waiting for him to tell me he loves me and he wants me but all he says is he’s sorry.

He went upstairs came back down and sat down, started to ramble and I said look me in my face and tell me the truth. He’s proceeded to tell me he doesn’t want a relationship with me. And basically going back to OW.

I’ve packed a bag up for him to go. This going back and forth and this feeling is exactly how his actions last year made me feel. Only this time as much as I want to say I love him and I want him to say I’m not else nothing changes. I’m absolutely devastated but I know this will be for the best. It’s going be a long road ahead but I’m not going to look back, head held high, one foot in front in another.

Have you done anything about clarifying your legal situation regarding the home and kicking him out?